break my heart for what breaks yours

This past June in Guatemala, I had one of those moments where, surrounded by chaos and noise the world became silent. Maybe you have experienced that before, where all the mayhem, colors and demands of the world around you all fade away as your focus is fixed on one single, precious thing.

the young honey I saw before me holding onto his momma

The day I met this sweet, precious child, our For the Love of Mateo group was delivering bunk beds, stoves, water filters and other donations to the remote village of Yalu, Guatemala. Feeling completely overwhelmed by the intense welcome we always receive, adding to the chaos the group leaders trying hard and loudly to explain to the village what we were going to be doing and how to put the water filters together, I stood on the outskirts of our group to breath and watch from a little distance. Yalu is a community deep in the gripe of poverty, and you do not have to look far to see the devastating effects of this in all the mothers and childrens lives. 

As the teams started assembling the water filters with the mothers and instructing them on what to do next, my gaze settled on this small boy holding onto his mothers hand. Past his torn, dirt stained clothes and crocs that were barely held together, I recognized the too common signs of child mal nourishment. Not more than maybe 4 years old, he barely had the energy to wipe flies away from his body, and his blinks were even slow. Despite the unfortunate circumstances of which he lives, he still managed to look up with those beautiful eyes that spoke so he didn't have to, and a smile that would melt the world if they knew it. In that moment, as the world around went silent for me, I stood there smiling back at this little boy, and my heart broke.

During this exact moment of heartbreak, one of my favorite songs, Hosanna, by Brooke Fraser came into my mind. The specific verse of the song, 'break my heart for what breaks yours' was playing over and over again in my mind, and in my heart. Now, I have prayed to God for some time now to guide me and to use me to help those in need in this broken world we all call home. I know he has opened my eyes to things in Guatemala that are unseen and my heart and soul have been crushed many times before. However, at this very moment, looking into this boys eyes, the life around us became still and silent, and I realized I was at my very weakness of moments, I was broken.  

If you have ever had moments in life that distress you so deeply, you'll understand this feeling of 'heartbreak', where it goes beyond emotional to a point where your heart aches with pain. This moment with the little boy is not the worst thing I have ever seen or experienced in Guatemala, but even that statement I just made, can we put a level or judge "worst moments vs the next" when dealing with people living in poverty? I think they are all terrible, unfair circumstances in life, but the point I am trying to make is, that moment is when God decided to speak to me through the little boy and let my heart feel. To let my heart know. To let me feel the feeling of my heart breaking for what breaks his. Having visited Guatemala 5 times prior, I have experienced moments of my body shaking inside of me, tears flowing down my cheek as I stand in a room full of tiny helpless children who will grow up to call the orphanage home, or being surrounded by children younger than 4 years old living on the streets begging for their survival, I have felt and witnessed pain. But, that day in Yalu, God helped me to understand something deeper.  At that moment, I realized that if my heart is breaking, then the heart of God must be in agony for such children and people across the world. When the pain and realization became so great,  I questioned the whole prayer and line of the song, break my heart. And then I was reminded of the line in the song that follows, 'Everything I am for your kingdoms cause' And i realize that  the first line can't be sung without the second, because if we are to take seriously this prayer to have our hearts broken and to be used for the service of others, then we must give everything we are and have, and commit our lives to the cause of bringing about Gods kingdom here on earth. It's too painful to stand in the middle, to constantly have my heart broken and not give everything in response. And there is no way I could keep experiencing and witnessing these things without the knowledge that in the end, 'The sound of weeping and of crying will be heard no more and never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days' (Isaiah 2:4)

'Break my heart for what breaks yours' will be a prayer that will never leave my heart. xo to this little honey, I can't wait until we meet again in a place that is beyond your most imaginable dreams.

John 13:34

It has been a while since I have written a post about what has been on my heart. Life has swept me away the past couple months and has kept me way too busy for my own liking to where I can't even keep my thoughts straight. Not being in Guatemala for a whole year has also distanced myself from the realities and struggle the people of Guatemala face on a daily basis, as much as I hate to admit that. I have sadly fallen back into the 'amazing race' way of life.

I have been praying for words to write in a post, and have not had much come to me, until today. Today I saw heart wrenching news about something absolutely.... just absolutely sad. I can't even think of any other word to describe it. Today at a government run orphanage in Guatemala, riots and a fire broke out, which took the lives of 31 teen girls (ages 14-17), 25 are severely burned, and over 50 are missing thus far. These riots were a result of the children rising up against the guards because of unjust punishment, sexual abuse, and horrific treatment. This orphanage has space for about 400 children, but over 800 are living there. My heart truly hurts that these children saw and had no other option of hope than to try and stick up for what they deserve, and in turn, sadly took the lives of those fighting for the same thing. Children who had no voice, children who had no family, no one to pray for them, are now gone trying to get that.

It hurts that I prayed hard for words to write, and this terrible situation is what is sparking my heart to speak. This tragedy in no way has God's name on it, but it's real. Real life happening, and not much being said about it, not many even know. To some in the world, watching a girl cry because she doesn't get a rose is real. I disagree.  Real is living without knowing love, waking up to no food, and going to bed with an empty stomach, not going one day of your life without tears in your eyes, being afraid to move or speak because you may be punished, sleeping on cold hard floors soiled with feces, never getting the chance to see what this life has to offer, I call that real.

We are all one race, the human race, and we need to start acting like it. Lets be a parent to those without parents, defenders to those who have no voice. Help the refugees. Help your local food bank. Help the man sleeping in the tent in your city park, even just a smile. Donate blood, you're donating a life. Just help.

To all those reading this,  who will be thinking or potentially send me emails how we need to help our own country first; you're entitled to that opinion, just as I am to mine. But here is my response to you...

Why not help anyone and all that you can? No matter what country they call home, everyone and anyone deserves help just as much as the rest. That could be you, but it's not. You could have been born in the slums of Africa. But you were born privileged by being born in a country that has structure. Even if you are born to an under privileged family, this country and many others have systems in place to help you get on your feet, and give you many chances if at first you don't succeed. That's something developing countries don't have.

Point is, let's all help our race rise again by helping others and be the race we were designed to be.

This life is not our own, and by each crime and  every kindness we birth our future, so let's make sure our actions are reflections of what we want to see for our future.

xo.